The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The Gunny responded, 'Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately'.

He went into the barracks and said, 'The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear.

Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it'.

The moral:

A candidate may promise change in Washington, but don't count on things smelling any better.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

Four very old retired Navy geezers came into the Army-Navy Club pro shop in Arlington, Virginia after playing 18 holes of golf. They were a bit exhausted. The pro asked, "Did you gents have a good game today?"

The first old feller said, "Oh, I had three riders today."

The second bent over guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."

The third old man said, "I did about the same. I had 7 riders, the same as last time."

The last ancient sport said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today. Aren't you fellers proud of me?"

After they went into the men's locker room, an elderly lady club member that had heard the old gents telling of their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf here for 40 years and thought I knew all the terminology of the game,..... but what in the world is a rider?"

You're going to love this....

The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."

At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.

Then, little Bobby Joe, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!'

When asked why, he replied:

"Coz I love the end bit where she takes the ring off her finger, goes back down the aisle, and jumps in the car and disappears..."

The man quickly responds, "The attorney's".

The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"

The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"