This guy sees a sign in
front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him
the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and
sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I
discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the
government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they
had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I
wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening
in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a
batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and
asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on
earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He
didn't do any of that stuff."
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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of Page, Clean Joke List,
Out Takes From Real Resumes
And Cover Letters
- I demand a salary commiserate with my
- "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor
and spreasheet progroms."
- "Received a plague for Salesperson of
- "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed
- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity
- "Failed bar exam with relatively high
- "It's best for employers that I not
work with people."
- "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah'
over my experience."
- "You will want me to be Head Honcho in
- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if
ever forget details."
- "I was working for my mom until she
decided to move."
- "Marital status: single. Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
- "I have an excellent track record,
although I am not a horse."
- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs
... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice
- "I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
- "My goal is to be a meterologist. But
since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should
try stock brokerage."
- "I procrastinate, especially when the
task is unpleasant."
- "Personal interests: donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far."
- "As indicted, I have over five years of
- "Instrumental in ruining entire
operation for a Midwest chain store."
- "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14
jobs as 'job-hopping'. I've never quit a job."
- "Marital status: often. Children:
- Reason for leaving last job: They
insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every
- morning. I couldn't work under those
- "The company made me a scapegoat, just
like my three previous employers."
- "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
- "References: none. I've left a path of
destruction behind me."
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of Page, List of Jokes
about work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
My sister-in law is from
Oklahoma and has a slight accent.
She has cats and when she lived
in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is
called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur
hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets
matted or snarled).
When she moved to Chicago with my brother,
one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took
it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the
price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed
with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he
said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her accent came
out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was
returned to her.
She cried for a week...but not as much as
the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur
- Gas in car to go to groomers $4.50
- Cat car carrier $32.99
- Grooming fee $80.00
- Getting the look from one seriously
pissed off cat Priceless!
Submitted by Jamie,
29th Humor Page