Humor Selections for Jan 14th, 2009

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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A tour guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone Park...

...when one of the kids asked him if he had ever come face-to-face with a wolf.

"Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon."

"What did you do?" the little girl asked.

"What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast."

"How did you get away?"

"As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Your Favorite Prescription Is Being Pulled?
  • Every year, thousands of old drugs get replaced by new. Here is how to tell that yours is going to be replaced:
  • Your drug now has new initials after its old name like Zippedee APF
  • The cost of your old drug has gone down to under fifty dollars to meet generic competition.
  • The commercial spokesman used to be a local announcer. Tony Bennett is touting the new one.
  • You discover that your drug now comes in a tablet that looks like aspirin instead of gelcaps.
  • Your doctor cannot get samples of your drug any longer.
  • Suddenly there are unconfirmed reports of new side effects on your pill that you never heard of before.
  • Your old drug is now being combined with another old drug to form a new and expensive new drug with new premium prices.
  • Your old advertising spokesman for your drug died fifteen years ago.
  • You can understand all of the information about the drug including its formula name and the name of its inventor.
  • It is preferred by AARP.
Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill.

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This  year's worst puns...
  • The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  • I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  • She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
  • A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a-head."
  • I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
  • A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
  • The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • A backward poet writes in-verse.
  • In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
  • When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed.

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You Know That You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web When
  • Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
  • You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
  • You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
  • Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  • You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
  • You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
  • Your dog has his own webpage.
  • So does your hamster.
  • When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Christian the Lion ... Download Video

Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.

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Honey, can u take out the garbage?

These are from a guy out in Coquitlam, B.C. The pictures were taken from his kitchen onto his patio deck, & his kids were playing on the kitchen floor !

Submitted by Dane, Saint Joseph, Missouri

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Jan 12th Humor Page