Humor Selections for July 18th, 2008

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Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad that once I've hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember."

Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK.

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Irish outlook on election

We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a lawyer who is married to a lawyer.

On the other side,

you have a war hero married to a good looking woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What are you lads thinking over there?

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola Fl.

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An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess..

...the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A little, nondescript guy is at a bar, just staring at his drink.

After half an hour of this a big, trouble-making biker sits next to him, gulps his drink down in on swig and turns to the little guy with a menacing stare. "Wotcha gonna do 'bout it, you little fart?"

The poor guy stars crying. "Ah, c'mon," says the biker. "I was just givin' you a hard time. I can't stand to see a man cry."

"This is the worst day of my life, " says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept, so I was late for an important meeting, and my boss fired me. When I got to the parking lot my car had been stolen, and I don't have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab on my way home, found my wife in bed with the gardener, then the dog bit me. So I come to this bar to try and work up enough courage to end it all. And then you show up and drink the darn poison."

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Well, I didn't know a ballgirl could do that! - Download Video

Also submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Imagine who would have such taste and live in such opulence?

  • An American Billionaire?
  • A Saudi Prince?
  • Louis XIV of France ?
  • Soccer Player – Baseball Player – Golfer?
  • Actor? Rapper? Band? Singer?

Savour the pictures then scroll to the bottom of the page to see who owns this













 This Mansion is in Harare and belongs to:

The Dictator of Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe -while his people starve, and die because of no medical help....and we are asked to help his people over and over again...he and his family live like this.......his GREED kills his people.....

Editor's Note - As along time reader of the Financial Times, I am very familiar with the crimes of Robert Mugabe.  To learn more about this man and what he has done to Zimbabwe, we encourage you to go to the Financial Times web site and enter "Robert Mugabe" into their search box.

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