Humor Selections for July 16th, 2008

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Bizarre Travel Insurance Claims

Monkey Business - Malaysian monkeys caused romantic getaway mayhem when a couple returned to their chalet to find their underwear, clothing and belongings strewn across the resort and neighbouring rainforest. Fortunately the travel insurer paid the claim for the clothes-less couple.

Toupee overboard - One unlucky pensioner enjoying a cruise found his toupee overboard after a strong gust of wind lifted it off his head and blew it in to the sea. His travel insurance reimbursed him for the cost of his hairpiece.

Don't get stung - A careless holidaymaker paid a painful price when he dropped his wallet down a drain in Natanya. The Briton's claim wasn't for his cash or credit cards though, it was for hospital treatment after he had bravely reached down the drain to rescue his wallet, and was subsequently stung by poisonous scorpion. Luckily his travel insurance covered the cost of the treatment.

The unhappy campers - An unfortunate family had a shock when they were on a camping trip in a remote field in Wales, following a parachutist from a nearby airbase missing his target and landing on their camping equipment, destroying it. The family weren’t covered for accidental damage, so unfortunately their insurer did not reimburse them.

Swimming smile - Whilst on a cruise, one sickly pensioner lost his false teeth over the side of the ship when throwing up into the choppy seas of the Bay of Biscay. The misplaced dentures were thankfully covered in his travel insurance policy under lost baggage, so his claim was paid.

Holy smoke - A British couple's idyllic wedding soon took a turn for the worse when the brides dress was caught alight by a brick of coal that fell from the BBQ. The smart-thinking groom quickly picked up his new blazing bride, ran down the beach and threw her into the ocean. Fortunately the couple had taken out wedding cover before tying the knot, so they could claim on their travel insurance policy for their ruined wedding outfits.

Bad hair day - Whilst on holiday in Spain, a resourceful father had to rush his distressed daughter to the local hairdresser after she frazzled her hair on the oven in their apartment. The results were far from satisfying, leaving the poor girl running from the salon in tears. Her Dad did try and claim on their travel insurance, but unfortunately was not reimbursed as they weren’t covered for accidental damage.

Bikini distraction - A man on holiday in Greece broke his nose by walking into a glass-panelled bus shelter, after getting distracted by two Greek goddesses in bikinis. His travel claim for hospital bills was successful.

Life’s a beach - Frustrated parents were shocked to find that their playing children had buried their £600 camcorder in the sand on a beach in Cornwall. Thankfully the insurer saw the funny side and refunded the cost.

Lotions and potions - The search was on for a wrinkle-free burglar in France after a woman had her cosmetics bag stolen, then later admitted she had transferred medical-strength haemorrhoid cream in to an empty moisturiser tub. Her claim for make-up, lotions and perfume was paid.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven...

..., God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy.

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller skates.

One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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After the sermon was over, one member of the congregation had lingered...

... after the other members had shook hands with the minister on their way out. The minister recognized the young man as one whom he had married a couple of months before.

As the young man shook hands with the minister, he asked, "Reverend, do you believe someone should profit from the mistakes of others?"

"Certainly not," replied the preacher.

"Well, in that case, could I have the $50 back that I gave you for marrying me?"

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Yankee or Dixie?

Check on your dialect and see if you might have crossed over to the "other side"! Simply click on the correct answer. As you go, the quiz will automatically interpret each answer to show you what your answer implies about you. When you are done, press Compute My Score. Your score will be calculated as a percentage: 0% is pure Yankee and 100% is pure Dixie.  Click here to try test

Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, MD.

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A Golfer came home after a game with both of his front pockets full of golf balls ...

...and ran into his daughter's best friends - a blond, coming out of the kitchen.   The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls'.

Nevertheless, the blond continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Cool weather pictures!


The following picture was supposedly taken from the third story balcony of Saint Stanislaus College located next door to Our Lady of the Gulf church in Bay Saint Louis, Mississippi on the morning of August 29th, 2005. This is believed to be the initial tidal wave from Hurricane Katrina. The tidal wave was approximately 35 to 40 feet high. When it slammed into the beach front communities of Bay Saint Louis and Waveland Mississippi to completely destroy 99% of every structure along the beach for 9 miles and over a mile inland. The destruction only started there. The flooding that continued inland destroyed the contents of all but 35 homes in these two communities of approximately 14,000 people.

Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY

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July 14th Humor Page