Humor Selections for Nov 9th, 2007

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Much of Australia has been in the grip of drought for years...

... and many kids are unfamiliar with rain; the following comments reflect this.

After Sunday school a four-year-old was found dancing naked in the first rain to have fallen in a long time. When asked what was going on, she replied, "Jesus turned the shower on."

A small amount of rain had allowed seeds to germinate, and a little boy was keenly observing the emerging shoots. "What's happening?" he asked his dad.

"The rain has wet the ground so seeds grow," replied his dad.

"Where does rain come from?"

"The clouds."

"Where do the clouds come from?"

"God makes them."

After a few moments deep thought, he commented, "Did God sleep in?"

One hot summer's day an enterprising young 6 year-old set up his drink stand under a tree on the country road that ran past his parents' farm. The sign was large and legible, table and chairs in the shade, and trade proved to be brisk. The sign simply read "PURE COLD WATER. 50c per glass." The insulted box held water from the dam, used every day by the cows - something his customers were never told.

A group of children from impoverished, arid farms were taken to the seaside by a charitable trust for a holiday. Their amazement was unbounded at the sight of so much water and the feel of it on their skin, but their self-appointed leader, a bossy 10year old, knew her parent's plight. She had everyone scour the bins for empty plastic bottles and filled them from the ocean. "We're taking these back," she told the supervisor in no uncertain terms.

"But…" he began to object, but was no match for her angry scream: "EVERY DROP IS PRECIOUS"

The farm was on a former gold-mining area, and had proved to be a very fertile place. Very occasionally a small nugget was found, but the one the 8-year-old boy brought home one afternoon was larger than most, weighing a good 10 oz. When asked by his excited mum where he had found it, he replied, "the creek."

"But you know you're not to go there, it's really too dangerous."

"Is not!" he shot back. "I'll show you."

He led her to the spot, a good two miles away, where in dismay she saw that the creek was totally dry, something that had never happened in over 100 years. The gold find faded into insignificance as the horrible truth dawned: No more water for man or beast unless they had it carted in at enormous expense.

Life is tough in drought stricken lands.

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Not to make light of the drought, but:

It's so dry in Georgia that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling; the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK

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Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. A little girl was softly sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to prick my finger till it bleeds," said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

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The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.

This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

  • Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
  • The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
  • You use 200 muscles to take one step.
  • The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
  • Your big toes have two bones each while The rest have three.
  • A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
  • A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
  • The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
  • The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
  • It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
  • The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
  • Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
  • At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
  • There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
  • Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
  • The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
  • Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
  • When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
  • Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
Submitted by Ashley, Emmitsburg, Md.

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Surfer Dog - Download Video

Also Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

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Jewish mother's wedding invitation

Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY

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