Humor Selections for October 31st, 2005

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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.

After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded:

One chalk mark . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1
Knowing where to put it . . . . . . . $49,999

Submitted by Dick Williamsport. Md.

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Words with two meanings
  • Thingy (thing-ee) n.
    • Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
    • Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
  • Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
    • Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
    • Male.... Playing football without a cup.
  • Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
    • Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
    • Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
  •  Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
    • Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
    • Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
  • Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
    • Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.F
    • Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
  • Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
    • Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
    • Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
  • Remote Control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
    • Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
    • Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


  • He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
  • She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
  • He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
  • She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
  • He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
  • She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.


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If Lawyers Can Be Disbarred and Clergymen Defrocked?

Why aren't Electicians delighted or defused, Musicians denoted or detonated, Models deposed, Tree Surgeons debarked, Dry Cleaners depressed or decreased?

Why aren't Playwrights deactivated, Secretaries defiled, Tanners debated, Sleepers debunked, Hypocrites decanted, Conmen deployed, Debt Collectors debilitated, Logicians deposited, Florists deflowered?

Or Bankers decapitated, Security Agents deciphered, Jockeys derided, Park Attendants deranged, Writers described, Kings desired, The Falsly Modest decoyed, Plumbers deducted, Geologists defaulted, or Magistrates defined?

And shouldn't Concreters be deformed, Examiners degraded, Butchers delivered, Staticians demeaned, Dental Technicians debited, Surveyors declined, Priests demoralised, Photographers depicted, Estimators devalued, and, last of all, Why aren't more politicians devoted?

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia

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When cloning goes bad take 5


Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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