Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house ."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway. "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.

The chicken was delicious. Thank you.

Submitted by Sister Wink, The Bronx, Ny.

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the intercom, don't disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want that super sized.
• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
• Don't use punctuation
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what gender they are.
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Put mosquito netting around your work area & play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
• Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, rock hard.
• When the money comes out of the atm, scream "I won, I won! 3rd time this week!!!!!"
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
• Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
• And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you.

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.

Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Who's clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."