Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful
and prospered ...
later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed
the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived
far away in another city.
The first said "I had a big house built
The second said "I had a hundred thousand
dollar theater built in the house ."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer
deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said "You know how Mama loved
reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she
can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a
parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers
12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a
year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama
just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank
You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I
live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks
anyway. "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my
groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater
with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are
dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use
it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to
have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you.
Submitted by Sister Wink, The Bronx, Ny.
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How to keep a level of
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car
with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See
if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom,
don't disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want that super sized.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and
label it "in."
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso.
- Finish all your sentences with "in
accordance with the prophecy."
- Don't use punctuation
- As often as possible, skip rather
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Specify that your drive-through order
is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why
the poems don't rhyme.
- Put mosquito netting around your work
area & play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Five days in advance, tell your
friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the
- Have your coworkers address you by
your wrestling name, rock hard.
- When the money comes out of the atm,
scream "I won, I won! 3rd time this week!!!!!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're
- Tell your children over dinner, "due
to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
- And the final way to keep a healthy
level of insanity... send this e-mail to everyone in your
address book, even if they sent it to you.
Submitted by Cindy, Emmitsburg, MD.
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about Work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
Hillary Clinton died and went to
As she stood in front of
St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every
time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have
never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Who's clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his
"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's
using it as a ceiling fan."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Things one should never say to a
- If you will just give
each of the dogs a piece of hoof they will get out from under
the horse and quit fighting.
- As much as you charge, I should get to
use that truck too.
- If you get that done in 30 minutes,
youíll be making $160. per hour.
- Thatís not the way they did it on that
- I see who makes all the money in horses
- My last farrier couldnít finish they
gave me your name and number.
- You donít mind if I feed the other
horses, do you?
- Are you sure you have them on the
- If he didnít kick like that, Iíd trim
- Would you mind trimming my new BLM
- Can we shoe him in the arena? If he
rears in the barn, he hits his head.
- You sure earned your money on that one!
- I forgot you were coming; I just turned
all the horses out.
- Can you make it after six, or on
Sunday, I have to work.
- I just cannot believe that he bit you.
- I read all about the "Natural Way" to
trim on the internet, and youíre supposed to...
- Did that hurt?
- I know that he is difficult to shoe,
but he is so good on the trails.
- It doesnít look like heís leaning from
- Good morning glad youíre here can we
reschedule? I have a lot going on today.
- Itís so cool that he can "balance" on
just two feet.
- Can you shoe him so that he doesnít
- Donít tell my husband that I used the
- Most times when he kicks, he misses!
- Just do the hinds Iíll do the the
- I left the checkbook in the car, and my
wife/husband just left can you bill me?
- Iím sure glad you donít mind working on
- Does it mean my horses have some sort
of deficiency when they chew the paint off your truck like that?
- This horse does forge, also interferes,
and sometimes hits his knees.... we need to keep the price down
on this bill.
- I got a bargain on these shoes at a
rummage sale, could you use them instead and save me some money?
- Oops! Wrong horse.
- I know I said just a trim, but can we
shoe Ďem as well?
- My weanling colt needs a trim, and I
figured you could halter break him at the same time.
- Iíve got a new horse whose feet are in
pretty bad shape. The previous owners said their farrier
wouldnít work on him.
- I know itís been a long day for you;
thatís why I saved the worst one for last.
- If my other farrierís ribs werenít
broken, heíd be able to get shoes on this horse.
- Itís a good thing youíre slow today, or
heíd have had shoes on when he kicked your truck.
- My grandpa used to shoe horses like
you, only he used a sledge and a corn knife.
- I donít understand why the shoes didnít
stay on. I just had them done 12 weeks ago.
Submitted by 'Blacksmith' Dick,
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List of Horse Jokes,
Depending upon if your a cat or dog
person, the caption should read: 'extreme self-confidence' or
'extreme self-obedience' ...
25th Humor Page