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The politician
went to the local reservation
and try to get the Native American
vote.
They were all
assembled in the Council Hall to hear
the speech. The politician had worked
up to his finale, and the crowd was
getting more and more excited.
"I promise
better education opportunities for
Native Americans!"
The crowd went
wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!".
The politician
was a bit puzzled by the native word,
but was encouraged by their
enthusiasm.
"I promise
gambling reforms to allow a Casino on
the Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!"
cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise
more social reforms and job
opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd
reached a frenzied pitch shouting
"Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the
speech, the Politician was touring the
Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd
of cattle. Since he was raised on a
ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he
asked the Chief if he could get closer
to take a look at the cattle.
"Sure," the
Chief said, "but be careful not to
step in the hoya..."
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A Mafia Godfather finds out
that his bookkeeper has embezzled ten million bucks.
This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the
Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where
is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks
the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know
what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says
he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm
pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says:
"Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling:
"He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my
cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well,
what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't
have the guts to pull the trigger!
Submitted by Linn, Hagerstown, MD.
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The
day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident
. . .
. . . he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Strickland, but
we have some information about your wife."
"Well, tell me!" The policeman said, "We have
some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do
you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worse, Mr. Strickland said, "Give me the bad
news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but
this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
"Oh my god!," said Mr. Strickland, overcome by
emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked,
"What's the good news?"
"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her
up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size
Dungeoness crabs on her."
"If that's the good news than what's the great
news?!", Mr. Strickland demanded.
The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again
tomorrow morning."
Submitted by Lisa, Mt. Airy, Md.
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Feb
20th Humor Page
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