You might be a Blueneck if ...
BlueNecks are Northerners --- the opposite
of Rednecks ...
- Instead of referring to two or more
people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of
them are women.
- You think barbecue is a verb meaning
"to cook outside."
- You think Heinz Ketchup is really
- You would never stop to buy something
somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled
- You don't have any problems pronouncing
"Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
- For breakfast, you would prefer
potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
- You don't know what a moon pie is.
- You've never had an RC Cola.
- You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried,
boiled, or pickled.
- You eat fried chicken with a knife and
- You've never seen a live chicken, and
the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
- You have no idea what a polecat is.
- You don't see anything wrong with
putting a sweater on your dog.
- You don't have bangs.
- You would rather vacation at Martha's
Vineyard than at Six Flags.
- You would rather have your son become a
lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
- You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"-
instead of "Cokes."
- You've never eaten and don't know how
to make a tomato sandwich.
- You have never planned your summer
vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
- You think more money should go to
important scientific research at your university than to pay the
salary of the head football coach
- You don't even have one can of WD-40
somewhere around the house.
- The last time you smiled was when you
blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
- You don't have any hats in your closet
that advertise feed stores.
- You have more than one professional
sports team in your home state.
- The farthest south you've ever been is
the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
- You call binoculars opera glasses.
- You can't spit out the car window
without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
- You don't know anyone with at least two
first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo,
Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
- You don't know any women with male
names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
- You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.
- You've never been to a craft show.
- You get freaked out when people on the
subway talk to you.
- None of your fur coats are homemade.
- You have no idea who the Allisons or
Submitted by Kate, Columbia, Md.
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
Definitions you may not know:
- Arbitrator: A cook that
leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
- Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to
- Bernadette: The act of torching your
- Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
- Control: A short, ugly inmate.
- Counterfeiters: Workers who put
together kitchen cabinets.
- Eclipse: What an English barber does
for a living.
- Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
- Heroes: What a guy in a canoe does.
- Left Bank: What a robber did when his
bag was full of loot.
- Misty: How golfers create divots.
- Parasites: What you see from the top of
the Eiffel Tower.
- Pharmacists: A helper on the farm.
- Polarize: What penguins see with.
- Primate: Removing your spouse from in
front of the TV.
- Relief: What trees do each spring.
- Rubberneck: What you can do to relax
- Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a
- Selfish: What the owner of a seafood
- Subdued: A guy that works on
- Sudafed: Bring litigation against a
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Things not to say to you
- I want to try this new
shoe that I read about in ______ (insert horse magazine name
- ________(insert other farrier’s
name here) will shoe for $____ less.
- I save the good fly spray for the horse
- I try to clean out his feet, but it
kills my back when he jerks me around that way.
- I know you only booked us for five
horses, but can you fit these other 4 in today?
- Will you teach me to do that - so I can
save some money? And loan me your tools, too?
- Shoeing horses is easy money.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Man of the Year ...
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