Humor Additions for Friday, Sept 26th 2003

    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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You might be a Blueneck if ...

BlueNecks are Northerners --- the opposite of Rednecks ...

  • Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
  • You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
  • You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
  • You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts) .
  • You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
  • For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
  • You don't know what a moon pie is.
  • You've never had an RC Cola.
  • You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
  • You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  • You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
  • You have no idea what a polecat is.
  • You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
  • You don't have bangs.
  • You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.
  • You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
  • You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
  • You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach
  • You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
  • The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
  • You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  • You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
  • The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  • You call binoculars opera glasses.
  • You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  • You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
  • You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
  • You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.
  • You've never been to a craft show.
  • You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  • None of your fur coats are homemade.
  • You have no idea who the Allisons or Pettys are.

Submitted by Kate, Columbia, Md.

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Definitions you may not know:
  • Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
  • Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
  • Bernadette: The act of torching your mortgage.
  • Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
  • Control: A short, ugly inmate.
  • Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
  • Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
  • Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
  • Heroes: What a guy in a canoe does.
  • Left Bank: What a robber did when his bag was full of loot.
  • Misty: How golfers create divots.
  • Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
  • Pharmacists: A helper on the farm.
  • Polarize: What penguins see with.
  • Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
  • Relief: What trees do each spring.
  • Rubberneck: What you can do to relax your wife.
  • Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
  • Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
  • Subdued: A guy that works on submarines.
  • Sudafed: Bring litigation against a government official

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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 Things not to say to you Farrier
  • I want to try this new shoe that I read about in ______ (insert horse magazine name here)
  •  ________(insert other farrier’s name here) will shoe for $____ less.
  • I save the good fly spray for the horse shows.
  • I try to clean out his feet, but it kills my back when he jerks me around that way.
  • I know you only booked us for five horses, but can you fit these other 4 in today?
  • Will you teach me to do that - so I can save some money? And loan me your tools, too?
  • Shoeing horses is easy money.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Man of the Year ... Third Place

Sept 24th Humor Page