Suggested Bush/Cheney '04
bumper stickers from our friends at the Democratic Party ...
- Bush/Cheney '04: Four
- Bush/Cheney '04: Assimilate. Resistance
- Bush/Cheney '04: Apocalypse Now!
- Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just
isn't good enough.
- Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate
- Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over
- Bush/Cheney '04: Get used to it!
- Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire
- Bush/Cheney '04: Making the world a
better place, one country at a time.
- Bush/Cheney '04: Or Else.
- Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion
- Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in
- Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying
- Bush/Cheney '04: The economy's stupid!
- Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll
ever have to cast.
- George W. Bush: Don't think. Vote Bush!
- George W. Bush: A brainwave away from
- George W. Bush: It takes a village
- George W. Bush: Leadership without a
- George W. Bush: The buck stops Over
- Vote Bush in '04: God Save the King!
- Vote Bush in '04: "Because I'm the
President, that's why!"
- Vote Bush in '04: It's a no-brainer!
and Sr. Wink's favorite . . .
- Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!
Submitted by Sister Wink, Yonkers, NY.
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Halloween Safety Tips
If you happen to end up in a Halloween
or horror movie, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules
to help keep yourself healthy, happy and safe (in other words,
- When it appears that you have killed
the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
- Never read a book of demon summoning
aloud, even as a joke.
- Do not search the basement,
especially if the power has gone out.
- If your children speak to you in
Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot
them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long
run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
somebody else's voice.
- When you have the benefit of numbers,
NEVER pair off or go alone. Hit the first person that says,
"Let's split up."
- As a general rule, don't solve
puzzles that open portals to Hell. It's just not that fun.
- Never stand in, on, or above a grave,
tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the
dead as well.
- If you're searching for something
which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat,
GET OUT OF THERE ANYWAY!
- If appliances start operating by
themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.
- Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
- If you find a town which looks
deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop
and look around.
- Don't fool with recombining DNA
technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
- If you're running from the monster,
expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are
female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving
fast enough to catch up with you.
- If your companions suddenly begin to
exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination
for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill
- Stay away from certain geographical
locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm
Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are
sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
- If your car runs out of gas at night
on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking
house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you
ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most
likely be eaten.
- Beware of strangers bearing tools.
For example: chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric
carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches,
soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased
- If you find that your house is built
upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who
went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible
fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
- Dress appropriately. When
investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should
not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a
candle. Make that two flashlights!
- Do not mention the names of demons
around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially
careful of fireplaces in this regard.
- Do not go looking for witches in the
Submitted by Don, Middletown, MD.
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Baptist minister was completing a
emphasis he said, "If I had all the
beer in the world, I'd take it and
pour it into the river."
greater emphasis he said, "And if I
had all the wine in the world, I'd
take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in
the air, he said, "And if I had all
the whiskey in the world, I'd take it
and pour it into the river."
complete, he then sat down. The song
leader stood very cautiously and
announced with a smile, "For our
closing song, let us sing Hymn #365,
Shall We Gather at the River."
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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