You know you're from
Pennsylvania if ... (Part1)
- You refer to Pennsylvania as
"PA" (pronounced Pee-Ay).
- You can say the phrase "fire
hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.
- You know what a "State
Store" is, and your out-of-state friends find it unbelievable
that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
- You live within two miles of
a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy,
or ice cream, or that packages turkey, beans or bologna.
- Words like "hoagie", "sticky
buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook", and
"water ice" actually mean something to you.
- You can eat cold pizza (even
for breakfast) and know others who do the same.
- You not only have heard of
Birch Beer, but you know it comes in multiple colors: Red,
White, Brown, and Gold.
- You know several places to
purchase or that serve Scrapple, Lebanon Bologna, and Hot
- You can give directions to
"Intercourse, PA" with a straight face.
- You can eat a cold soft
pretzel with deli mustard smeared on it from a street vendor
without fear and enjoy it.
- Your turkey has "filling,"
not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."
- You know the difference
between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and know
that you can't get a really good one outside PA.
- You live for summer, when
street and county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake
- You know that Blue Ball,
Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise,
Mars, Intercourse, and Slippery Rock are towns.
- You know what a township,
borough, and commonwealth is.
- You've never referred to
Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has
always been "Jersey," and the Atlantic Ocean as "the shore."
- You can identify drivers
from New York, New Jersey, or other neighboring states by
their unique and irritating driving habits.
- When handed a wrapped
cupcake, you automatically flip it over and rub it on the
table so the icing won't stick to the cellophane.
- You know several people who
have hit deer more than once.
- You know who "Punxsutawney
Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow.
- You know what a "Mummer" is,
and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of
- You carry jumper cables in
your car, and your female passengers know how to use them.
- You have an uncontrollable
urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
Bill, Narberth Pa.
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List of You Know Your From ...,
Little Sister's Jokes,
Actual classified ads in
- 1 man, 7 woman hot tub --
- Amana washer $100. Owned by
clean bachelor who seldom washed.
- Snow blower for sale. Only
used on snowy days.
- Free puppies...part German
shepherd - part dog
- 2 wire mesh butchering
gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
- Tickle me Elmo, still in
box, comes with it's own 1998 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent
- Cows, calves never bred...
also 1 gay bull for sale.
- 83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000
- Star wars job of the hut --
- Free puppies: 1/2 cocker
spaniel - 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
- Free Yorkshire terrier. 8
years old. Unpleasant little dog.
- German shepherd 85 lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
- Free 1 can of pork & beans
with purchase of 3 br 2 bath home.
- For sale: lee majors (6
million dollar man) - $50
- Nordic track $300 hardly
used. Call Chubbie
- Bill's septic cleaning "we
haul American made products"
- Shakespeare's pizza - free
- Hummels - largest selection
ever "if it's in stock, we have it!"
- Harrisburg postal employees
- Georgia peaches- California
grown - 89 cents lb.
- Nice parachute: never opened
- used once - slightly stained
- Free: farm kittens. Ready to
- American flag - 60 stars -
pole included $100
- Tired of working for only
$9.75/ hour? We offer profit sharing & flexible hours.
Starting pay: $7 - $9/hour.
- Notice: to the person or
persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near
Southbridge storage: please return the pumpkin and be checked.
Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vicinity are
- Exercise equipment: queen
size mattress & box springs-$175.
- Our sofa seats the whole mob
and it's made of 100% Italian leather.
- Joining nudist colony! Must
sell washer & dryer $300.
- Ground beast: 99 cents lb.
- Gas cloud clears out taco
- Open house - body shapers
toning salon- free coffee & donuts
- Fully cooked boneless smoked
man - $2.09 lb
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of Page, Clean Joke List,
A man walks into a restaurant
with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the waitress
comes over, and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a
hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's
"I'll have the same," says the
A short time later, the
waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please,"
she says, and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the
ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger,
fries, and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into
his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine
until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks
"No, this is Friday night, so I
will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same
for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress
comes with the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls exact
change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back
her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every
"Well," says the man, "several
years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I
ever had to pay for anything, I could just put my hand in my
pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the
waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or
something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a
gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount is always
there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other
thing, sir. What's with the ostrich?" < BR The man replies, "My
second wish was for a chick with long legs."
Kate, Charleston, S.C.
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