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One day, a teacher, a
garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was there, having a bad day because
heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter
informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven: They
each had to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he said, "What was the
name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sunk with all
its passengers?"
The teacher thought for a second, and then
replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?" St. Peter let
him through the gate.
Next, St. Peter turned to the garbage man,
and figuring that heaven didn't really need all the stink that
this guy would bring in, decided to make the question a little
harder. "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guessed 1228, to which St.
Peter said, "That happens to be right. Go ahead."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "What
were their names?"
Submitted by Andy
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One day, three little pigs went to a fancy
restaurant.
When they reached their table, their
server asked them what they would like to drink.
"I would like a large glass of Coke," replied the first little
pig.
"I would like a large glass of Sprite," said the second little
pig.
"I would like a large glass of water," laughed the third little
pig.
After the server returned with their
drinks, he asked what they would like to eat.
"I'd like a big juicy steak," replied the first pig.
"I'd like a big crispy hamburger," said the second pig.
"I'd like a large glass of water," laughed the third pig.
After the waitress brought them their
meals, he asked water they would like for desert.
"I'd like a big chocolate sundae," replied the first pig.
"I'd like a big slice of Hershey pie," said the second pig.
"I'd like a large glass of water," laughed the third pig.
So the server brought them their desserts.
" Just out of curiosity, why do you always drink water?" asked the
server.
" Because I'm the little pig that goes wee
wee wee all the way home."
Submitted by Marie, Dayton, Ohio
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A well-known cardiologist
died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the
heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst
into laughter. When confronted, he said "I'm sorry, I was just
thinking of my own funeral – I'm a gynecologist,"
At that point, the proctologist fainted.
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