What the Doctor Says vs.
What He Really Means:
- "This should be taken care of right
This is easy and profitable so I want to fix it before it cures
- "Welllllll, what have we here..."
I don't have any idea what it is, and hope you'll give me a clue
- "We'll see."
First I have to check my malpractice insurance
- "Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you're paid up before spending any more time
- "Why don't we make another appointment
later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of my time
- "I have some good news and some bad
The good news: I get a new BMW. The bad news: You're going to
pay for it.
- "Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will turn into something that can be
- "Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab
- "I really can't recommend seeing a
I hate those guys horning in on our fees
I haven't the faintest idea what to do. Maybe the Nurse will
- "I'd like to have my associate look at
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune
- "How are we today?"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell
- "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give
me a call."
I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by
- "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up
- "This may hurt a little."
Last week two patients bit through their tongues
- "This should fix you up."
The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.
- "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig
- "Everything seems to be normal."
I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all
- "I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can
- "Do you suppose all of this stress
could be affecting your nerves ?"
I'm hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees
- "If those symptoms persist, call for
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off
- "There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week... I'd better learn
something about this
Submitted by Jaime, Frederick, Md.
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The Class of 2007...
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough
today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at
Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give
the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming
Here is this year's list:
- The people who are starting college
this fall across the nation were born in 1985.
- They have no meaningful recollection of
the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
- They were prepubescent when the Persian
Gulf War was waged.
- There has been only one Pope in their
- They were 10 when the Soviet Union
broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
- They are too young to remember the
space shuttle Challenger blowing up.
- Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
- Bottle caps have always been screw off
- Atari predates them, as do vinyl
- The statement "You sound like a broken
record" means nothing to them.
- They have never owned a record player.
- They have likely never played Pac Man
and have never heard of Pong.
- They may have never heard of an 8
track. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 3 years
- They have always had an answering
- Most have never seen a TV set with only
13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.
- They have always had cable.
- There have always been VCRs, but they
have no idea what BETA was.
- They cannot fathom not having a remote
- They don't know what a cloth baby
diaper is, or know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't
get up" commercial.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
- They were born 2 years after the
Walkman was introduced by Sony.
- Roller skating has always meant inline
- Michael Jackson has always been white.
- Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight
- They have no idea when or why Jordache
jeans were cool.
- Popcorn has always been cooked in the
- They have never seen Larry Bird play.
- They never took a swim and thought
- The Vietnam War is as ancient history
to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and the Civil War.
- They have no idea that Americans were
ever held hostage in Iran.
- They can't imagine what hard contact
- They don't know who Mork was or where
he was from. (The correct answer, by the way, is Ork)
- They never heard: "Where's the beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
- They do not care who shot J.R. and have
no idea who J.R. was.
- Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and
Alabama are places to them, not bands.
- There has always been MTV.
- They don't have a clue how to use a
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