• "This should be taken care of right away."
  This is easy and profitable so I want to fix it before it cures itself
• "Welllllll, what have we here..."
  I don't have any idea what it is, and hope you'll give me a clue
• "We'll see."
  First I have to check my malpractice insurance
• "Let me check your medical history."
  I want to see if you're paid up before spending any more time with you
• "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
  I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of my time
• "I have some good news and some bad news."
  The good news: I get a new BMW. The bad news: You're going to pay for it.
• "Let's see how it develops."
  Maybe in a few days it will turn into something that can be cured
• "Let me schedule you for some tests."
  I have a forty percent interest in the lab
• "I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
  I hate those guys horning in on our fees
• "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
  I haven't the faintest idea what to do. Maybe the Nurse will interrupt
• "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
  He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune
• "How are we today?"
  I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell
• "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
  I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself
• "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
  I think I'm going to throw up
• "This may hurt a little."
  Last week two patients bit through their tongues
• "This should fix you up."
  The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.
• "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
  I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig
• "Everything seems to be normal."
  I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all
• "I'd like to run some more tests."
  I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this
• "Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves ?"
  I'm hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees
• "If those symptoms persist, call for another appointment."
  I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week
• "There is a lot of that going around."
  My God, that's the third one this week... I'd better learn something about this

Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.

Here is this year's list:

• The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1985.
• They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
• They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
• There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
• They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
• They are too young to remember the space shuttle Challenger blowing up.
• Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
• Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
• Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
• The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
• They have never owned a record player.
• They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
• They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 3 years old.
• They have always had an answering machine.
• Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.
• They have always had cable.
• There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
• They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
• They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.

Feeling old Yet? There's more:

• They were born 2 years after the Walkman was introduced by Sony.
• Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
• Michael Jackson has always been white.
• Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
• They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
• Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
• They have never seen Larry Bird play.
• They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
• The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and the Civil War.
• They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
• They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
• They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct answer, by the way, is Ork)
• They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
• They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
• Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places to them, not bands.
• There has always been MTV.
• They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.