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Little Johnny's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner.

Grandpa calls over 6 year old Little Johnny and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of.

After a while, grandpa notices that Little Johnny is losing interest in the conversation, so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Little Johnny and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses.

Little Johnny reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill.

Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again he tells Little Johnny to take one of the bills and keep it.

Little Johnny grabs the other ten.

Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Little Johnny over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Little Johnny is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Little Johnny chooses the ten over the twenty.

Grandpa finally shows the stunt to his Daddy. Little Johnny's Daddy is quite surprised, but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment.

A few hours later, Daddy who is very concerned about Little Johnny's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.

"Of course," answers Little Johnny.

"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty," asks Dad.

Little Johnny, with a wide smile answers, "Well Dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"

Submitted by Debbie, Taneytown, Md.

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became doctors and prospered.

Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chaufeur."

The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah, and you know that she can't see very well. So I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."

"Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. But thanks, anyway."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Captain Kangaroo turned 75 recently, which is odd, because he' always looked 75.

Some people have been a bit offended that Lee Marvin is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else.

Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:

I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... the Medal Of Honor.

If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.

Dialog From The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: His guest was Lee Marvin:

Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima... and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded."

"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys gettin' shot hauling you down.

But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison.

The dumb bastard actually stood up on RED beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me lying on my belly on the litter and said, 'Where'd they get you Lee?'

I said, "Well, Bob... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!

Johnny, I'm not lying...Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew ..... Bob Keeshan... You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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