Little Johnny's house is
packed with relatives for Christmas dinner.
Grandpa calls over 6 year old Little
Johnny and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other
stuff he can think of.
After a while, grandpa notices that
Little Johnny is losing interest in the conversation, so he
pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him
interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills
to Little Johnny and tells him that he can keep any one he
Little Johnny reaches over and grabs the
ten dollar bill.
Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset
about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another
ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again he tells
Little Johnny to take one of the bills and keep it.
Little Johnny grabs the other ten.
Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He
takes Little Johnny over to one of the uncles and shows him how
dumb Little Johnny is in choosing the ten over the twenty.
Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each
time Little Johnny chooses the ten over the twenty.
Grandpa finally shows the stunt to his
Daddy. Little Johnny's Daddy is quite surprised, but doesn't pay
too much attention at the moment.
A few hours later, Daddy who is very
concerned about Little Johnny's poor decision, walks up to him
and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar
bill and a twenty.
"Of course," answers Little Johnny.
"So why did you always choose the ten
over the twenty," asks Dad.
Little Johnny, with a wide smile
answers, "Well Dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty
dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game
fifteen more times?"
Submitted by Debbie, Taneytown, Md.
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Four Jewish brothers left home
for college, became doctors and prospered.
Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they
discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built
in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600
with a chaufeur."
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves
reading the Torah, and you know that she can't see very well. So
I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took
twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to
contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth
it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot
will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my
groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the
driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."
"Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold
50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and
I'm nearly blind. But thanks, anyway."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to
give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."
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Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little
Captain Kangaroo turned
75 recently, which is odd, because he' always looked 75.
Some people have been a bit offended that Lee
Marvin is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at
Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT)
and service (USMC). Nothing else.
Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star
who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these
guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:
I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know
the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many
Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often
in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only
to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond
promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross
at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... the Medal
If that is a surprising comment on the true
character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even
greater show of bravery.
Dialog From The Tonight Show with Johnny
Carson: His guest was Lee Marvin:
Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people
are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo
Jima... and that during the course of that action you earned the
Navy Cross and were severely wounded."
"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass
and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway
up Suribachi... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is
guys gettin' shot hauling you down.
But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest
man I ever knew... We both got the Cross the same day, but what
he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison.
The dumb bastard actually stood up on RED
beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell
off the beach. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends.
When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he
lit a smoke and passed it to me lying on my belly on the litter
and said, 'Where'd they get you Lee?'
I said, "Well, Bob... if you make it home
before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!
Johnny, I'm not lying...Sergeant Keeshan was
the bravest man I ever knew ..... Bob Keeshan... You and the
world know him as Captain Kangaroo."
Submitted by Andy,
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