George Carlin's View On
Do you realize that
the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're
kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about
aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four
and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and
a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't
hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey,
you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life .
. . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . .
YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what
happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had
to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're just a
sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you
TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's
all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and
your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You
didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40,
REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that
you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT
You get into your 80s and every day is a
complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going
backwards; "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you
make it over 100, you become a littlekid again. "I'm 100 and a
half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
How to Stay Young:
- Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight
and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you
- Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
- Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind
is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
- Enjoy the simple things.
- Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for
- The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only
person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE
while you are alive.
- Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home
is your refuge.
- Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is
unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve,
- Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the
next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt
- Tell the people you love that you love them, at every
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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About Aging, My Little
An Afghanistan diplomat
visiting the US for the first time ...
... was being wined and dined by the State
Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American
foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was
constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of
water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a
glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where
is my water?" demanded the diplomat.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,"
stammered the wretched Abdul, "A man is sitting on the well!"
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One day a father of a very
wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country ...
... with the firm purpose of showing his
son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and
nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor
family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his
son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad." "Did you see how
poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son.
"So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son
answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have
a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a
creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden
and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front
yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of
land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our
food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to
protect us, they have friends to protect them."
With this the boy's father was
speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, dad for showing me how
poor we are."
Submitted by Dave,
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