Humor Additions for Friday, July 13th, 2001

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Two priests were talking together . . .

. . . and the older one said to the younger, "You know, when you came into church with all your new ideas, I had questions about how you were going to fit in and how well your ideas were going to work."

"When you wanted to put bucket seats down in the front two rows of seats, I had my doubts. But now, at every mass, the seats are filled up with young people, so I have to agree that it was a good idea."

"Then, when you wanted to "jazz" up the choir and we started singing newer, peppier songs, I was afraid it would offend the parishioners. Now, we have a lot of new, younger choir members, and the music seems to pick up the services a lot more than the old

music. So, once again I have to agree that you were right!"

"But when you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But now, at least, there are more people coming to confession than ever. I think you've come up with another good idea."

"However, the neon sign out front that says "Toot 'n tell or go to hell" has to go!

Submitted by Pat, Clear LAKE, Va.

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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. 

He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. So, his father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."

The young man pondered that for a moment and then replied, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair..."

The Rabbi said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went."

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Think about it...
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
  • Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
  • Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
  • If Wal Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
  • You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
  • Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
  • Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
  • We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.... but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
  • Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
  • A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
  • Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
  • Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today!

Submitted by Marie, Cochranville, Pa

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Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one.

"Me, too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was just full of worms.

They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more.

"I'm so full I don't think I can

fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Me neither. Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.

"O.K.," said the first. 

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought


You're gonna like this one...

"I just love baskin' robins." 

Submitted by Marianna, Columbia, Md.

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