Humor Selections for October 1st, 2008

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

After my wonderful vacation in Bali, I boarded my flight back to New York ... Soekarno-Hatta Jakarta International Airport.

"Cabin crew, prepare for take off," the pilot announced, and minutes later, we were gaining speed. I was getting ready for the familiar tug of gravity as the plane leaves the ground, but instead, the whole aircraft shuddered as the pilot deployed reverse thrusters. The plane slowed down, came to a stop in the middle of the runway and taxied back to the gate.

There was a long delay, but the flight crew were not keeping us informed. Finally, without a word of apology and two hours behind schedule, our plane took off.

I was curious as to know what exactly happened earlier, given Indonesia's poor aviation safety record. As the attendant was serving my drinks, I casually asked her: "So what was the delay about?"

"Oh it was nothing," she said in her sweet voice. "The pilot heard a strange noise coming from the engine."

"So everything is fixed then?" I asked her, trying not to look too scared.

"Yes," she replied in a reassuring manner. "We replaced the pilot."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,' I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Cute Kids Sayings, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Recent Quips from Late Night

"The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their (butts) with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay." --Bill Maher

"Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11." --Jay Leno

"The group has called on John McCain to release all of his medical records. In response, McCain told them, 'Why don't you just come down to the warehouse and look around for yourself? Bring a forklift, it'll take time.'" --Conan O'Brien

"So now our attention turns to which candidate can best guide us out of this mess. But even more important than that is deciding which candidate we'd most like to eat nachos with. According to a new survey from the Associated Press today, more Americans would rather watch football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain, by a margin of 50 to 47%. Mostly because McCain has to get up every ten minutes to go to the bathroom." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Lawrence Ellison topped the Forbes list of the top ten richest people in the U.S., having a combined wealth, as of Friday, of nearly $8,000" --Seth Meyers

"Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done." --Amy Poehler

"The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the head of the SEC -- except you can't as president fire the SEC chairman, it's a non-governmental job. Sarah Palin said today one more gaffe from McCain, and she's going to drop him from the ticket." --Bill Maher

"To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they've named a beer after him. That's true. Yeah. So next time you're in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall, cold Barackelob Light. Good enough. Clearly not as popular a beer as it used to be." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banking institutions. One expert said it might cost Americans more than a trillion dollars. To put that in perspective, ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don't add up to a trillion dollars." --Jimmy Kimmel

"A top McCain policy adviser claimed this week that McCain's work in the Senate helped create the BlackBerry, saying, 'You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create.' He then handed the BlackBerry to McCain, who attempted to withdraw $20 from it." --Amy Poehler

 Return to: Top of Page, Recent Quips from Late Night List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

A group of refugees from Somalia arrive in Australia...

..., and after processing are allowed to wander in the streets of one of our sun-drenched, safe, hospitable cities.  They cannot believe how wonderful it all is, so, in their limited English, they stop a passerby and thank him for allowing then into his country.

“Not mine, “he replies, “I’m from new Zealand.”

A bit puzzled, they say the same thing to the next pedestrian, who tells them that he’s an aborigine, and  it’s not his country any more.

Then a huge woman from Tonga laughs at them, saying not to worry whose country it is, everything’s free. Refugees get all they need from the government.

The next person explains he’s from Africa, it’s not his country either, but it is true everything seems to be free for refugees. Finally they ask a very elderly woman, who admits she is Australian, and lives on the pension. When they tell her that she’s the first Australian they’ve met, apart from the officials, and ask here where the young people are, she tells them they’re either at work, looking for work, looking to score, and would they themselves be interested in some home-grown hash?

It’s a great country

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

Return to: Top of Page, List of Political Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher who had cut his hand on a gate...

..., the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. "You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Political Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Toys R Us India Style ... Download Video

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl


Submitted by Audrey, Emmitsburg, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Sept 29th Humor Page