Humor Selections for Oct 31st, 2007

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Job Placement Aptitude Test

Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation:

  1. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
  2. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
  3. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
  4. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
  5. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
  6. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
  7. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
  8. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
  9. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
  10. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
  11. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
  12. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.
  13. Finally! If they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor hear what you say to them. Put them in Congress!

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.

He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Computer Error Messages
  • The web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
  • Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
  • Program aborting: close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
  • Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
  • Your file was so big. It might have been very useful. But now it is gone.
  • Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
  • A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
  •  Three things are certain: death, taxes and lost data.
  • This page is not here.
  • Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky. But we never will.
  • Having been erased, the document you are seeking must now be re-typed.
  • Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.
  • Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Submitted by Aunt Pat, Blue Mt. Lake, Va.

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A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home... the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed his friend. "Quick -- shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!"

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The startled male fled into the woods.

"Why did you do that?" demanded the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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How a butterfly put a hole in your roof - Download Video

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed

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Um ... do the kids get extra credit for this?

Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md.

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Oct 29th Humor Page