Humor Selections for May 10th, 2006

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, CO.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Funny Stories, My Little Sister's Jokes,

"One morning a husband returns to his lake cabin after several hours of fishing ...

... and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book, enjoying the peace and quiet. Along comes a game warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good Morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

 "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

Submitted by Kate, Columbian, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Recent Quips from Late Night Take - 9

Hillary spoke today about her childhood. She said as a child her dream was to be an Olympic athlete but she wasn't athletic. Then she wanted to be an astronaut but NASA didn't accept women. Then she wanted to be in medicine but hospitals make her woozy. Do you realize she's pretty much saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else?" --Jay Leno

"FEMA officials announced today that they are closing their New Orleans field office. A FEMA spokesman said, 'There's nothing left for us to do in New Orleans. Now could someone please get my car out of that tree?'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to a study, one-third of America's youth can't find Louisiana on a map. Well hell, the federal government can't find Louisiana on a map" --David Letterman

"Anna Nicole Smith won her case in front of the Supreme Court. I think this is the first time that a bunch of old guys have given her something and lived to tell about it." --Jay Leno

"A mild form of bird flu has been detected in New Jersey. Health officials said the bird flu was hard to detect, because in New Jersey, every bird coughs." --Conan O'Brien

"As you know, today was Don't Take Your Illegal Immigrant To Work Day here in Los Angeles... Here's my question, did Governor Schwarzenegger go to work today?" --Jay Leno

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, List of Political Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Billboard signs ...

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

May 8th Humor Page