Humor Additions for April 13th 2005

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Native American folklore holds that the dragonfly is sacred ..

... being inhabited by the spirits of ancient magicians. Two native American hunters were one day out looking for game when they came across a dragonfly caught in some mud. They very carefully freed it, and were rewarded with the offer of one wish each. The elder of the two hunters thought deeply for some time, then said slowly 'I would be the wisest warrior in the world!'

He was immediately able to see the herds of bison, the watering holes, the other tribes, and everything a great warrior needed to see. his expression became ecstatic.

Seeing this, the younger warrior determined he would not be outdone. 'I would be wiser than the wisest warrior in the would!', he exclaimed.

He was immediately transformed into a woman.

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee . . .

. . . when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?" the curious man asked.

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

"Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

Finally, the curious man asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"

"Sure...get in line."

Submitted by Dave, Emmitsburg, Md.

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There's a time we must run and a time we must stay,
A time to just think and a time that's for play;
A time to stand firm and a time we should sway -
Knowing when to do which is called wisdom.
There's a road to avoid and a road we should take,
There's drifting to do or decisions to make;
We try to be up, being down's a mistake -
Knowing how to do which is called wisdom.
There's a way to bring joy and a way to bring tears,
We can make our way smooth or crunch through the gears;
There's a way to stay bright no matter the years -
And getting it right is called wisdom.
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

  • Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 - $10.32 per gallon
  • Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 - $9.52 per gallon
  • Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 - $10.17 per gallon
  • Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 - $10.00 per gallon
  • Brake Fluid  12 oz $3.15 - $33.60 per gallon
  • Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 - $178.13 per gallon
  • Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 - $123.20 per gallon
  • Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 - $25.42 per gallon
  • Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 - $84.48 per gallon
  • And this is the REAL KICKER...
  • Evian water 9 oz $1.49- $21.19 per gallon?! $21.19 for WATER  (and the buyers don't even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid Pepto Bismol or Nyquil.

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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You know the price of gas is getting bad when they start drawing cartoon about it - take  5

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April 11th Humor Page