Thirty Reasons Why Men Might Have Two Dogs But Not Two Wives:
- The later you are, the more excited
they are to see you.
- Dogs will forgive you for playing with
- If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't
- Dogs don't notice if you call them by
another dog's name.
- A dog's disposition stays the same all
- Dogs like it if you leave a lot of
things on the floor.
- A dog's parents never visit. 8. Dogs do
not hate their bodies.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your
voice to get your point across.
- Dogs like to do their snooping outside
rather than in your wallet or desk.
- Dogs seldom outlive you.
- Dogs can't talk.
- Dogs enjoy petting in public.
- You never have to wait for a dog;
they're ready to go 24-hours a day.
- Dogs find you amusing when you're
- Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
- Another man will seldom steal your dog
(except in KY or TN).
- If you bring another dog home, your dog
will happily play with both of you.
- A dog will not wake you up at night to
ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
- If you pretend to be blind, your dog
can stay in your hotel room for free.
- If a dog has babies, you can put an ad
in the paper and give them away.
- A dog will let you put a studded collar
on it without calling you a pervert.
- A dog won't hold out on you to get a
- If a dog smells another dog on you,
they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting.
- On a car trip, your dog never insists
on running the heater.
- Dogs don't let magazine articles guide
- When your dog gets old, you can have it
put to sleep.
- Dogs like to ride in the back of a
- Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's
And, last but not least:
- If a dog leaves, it won't take half of
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
- Now that food has
replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
- I don't do drugs. I get the same
effect just standing up fast.
- I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
- I love being married. It's so great
to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest
of your life.
- Every time I walk into a singles bar
I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't
know where it's been!"
- A good friend will come and bail you
out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you
saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
- I signed up for an exercise class and
was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any
loose-fitting clothing, I . . . . wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
- When I was young we used to go
"skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
- Don't argue with an idiot; people
watching may not be able to tell the difference.
- Just remember...if the world didn't
suck, we'd all fall off.
- Why is it that our children can't
read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
- If raising children was going to be
easy, it never would have started with something called Labor!
- Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells
come and brain cells go, but Fat cells live forever.
- Why do I have to swear on the Bible
in court when the Ten Commandments can't be displayed in a
- Bumper sticker of the year: "If you
can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English,
thank a soldier."
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown Md.
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Sometimes we wonder, "What did I
do to deserve this?" ...
or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here
is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter is telling her Mother how
everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend
broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and
asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter
says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother
offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe
baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all
those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put
together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we
wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult
times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His
order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and,
eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.
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