Humor Additions for March 5th, 2004

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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party ...

It was well past 10 when he remembered. "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said,

"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called the computer support staff ...

Jim clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.

"An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error  before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

Submitted by Linn, Hagerstown, Md.

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The divorce lawyer began his examination of a Polish husband ...

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Pole: Ja, ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

Lawyer :"No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Pole: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

Lawyer: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
Pole: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

Lawyer: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
Pole: "All my relations are in poland."

Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Pole: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & dvd player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

Lawyer: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?
Pole: No, I'm always up before her.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?
Pole: No, she white.

Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?
Pole: She going to kill me.

Lawyer: What makes you think that?
Pole: I got proof.

Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Pole: She going to poison me. she buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says, "polish remover

Submitted by Sr. Wink, the Bronx, NY.

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