Humor Additions for Jan 5th, 2004

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This years first entry into the rambling thoughts category ...
  • Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
  • Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  • On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
  • Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
  • How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
  • Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
  • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?
  • Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  • Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
  • In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  • Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?
  • Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?
  • How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?
  • If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest ...

... was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs, and banners. He turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that fit in Chinatown?" So he walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking Chinese laundry. He could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts, and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." There was also a fair selection of Chinatown souvenirs, indicating that the name alone had brought many tourists into the shop. The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who bowed and thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?

The old man answered, "Ahh... evelybody ask me that. It name of oh-nah." Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"

"He light heah," replied the old man. "He is me."

"Really? But you're Chinese. How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"Is velly simple," said the old man. "Many, many years ago, when I coming to Amelika, I standing in line at Immiglashun Centah. Man in flont of me was Jewish man from Porand. Lady at counter look at him andsay,'What your name?' He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?'

I say, 'Sam Ting.' "

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