Humor Additions for August 16th, 2004

    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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For all you (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units:

  • Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
  • 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
  • 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
  • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
  • Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
  • Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
  • 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
  • Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
  • 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
  • Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
  • Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
  • 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
  • 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
  • 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
  • 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
  • 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
  • 52 cards = 1 decacards
  • 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
  • 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
  • 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
  • 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
  • 10 rations = 1 decoration
  • 100 rations = 1 C-ration
  • 2 monograms = 1 diagram
  • 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
  • 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Submitted by Ceil, Damascus, MD.

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Three two-line groaners to get your week going  ..
  • A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
    The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."
  • A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
  • An old man went to the Wizard to ask him if he could remove a curse he had been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard said, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, MD.

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A bus carrying ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside the bus dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says, "Make 'em all ugly again."

The moral of the story: the next time you're last in line, consider yourself blessed!

Submitted by John Ypsilanti, MI

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Pictures that make you smile part 1

August 11th Humor Page