Humor Additions for April 5nd, 2004

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A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "So how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

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Ever wonder ...
  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
  • Why women can't put on mascara with their mouths closed?
  • Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Submitted by Sister Wink, The Bronx, Ny.

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In a rush to get things done, I ran across this story and thought you might appreciate reading it.

It certainly gave me something to ponder!

There's a story of a fisherman who was sitting on the dock one early afternoon with a few fish in his possession.

A rich business man--a visitor from out of town--said "Why aren't you out there fishing this afternoon?"

The fisherman said, "I've caught all I need for today... and I'm just sitting back here, smoking my pipe and enjoying the beautiful day."

"But", the businessman objected, "if you were to use your time fishing, you could catch more fish and then sell what you don't need and make some extra money."

"And then what?" replied the fisherman.

"Well," replied the business man, "after saving enough money from your sales, you could buy a new and bigger boat that would take you out further into sea and you could catch bigger fish and make even more money."

"And then what?" said the fisherman.

"Well, then you could buy a whole fleet of boats and catch thousands of fish and make thousands of dollars in one day and become rich like me."

"And then what?" asked the fisherman.

"Well," then you could sit back and enjoy life like I do" said the rich man.

"Well," said the fisherman, "Isn't that what I'm doing already?"

Submitted by Linn, Hagerstown, Md.

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April 2nd Humor Page