The Priest said:, -"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the priest said to her:, -"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said:, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food, "said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."
 

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• You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
• You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, de-icer, or a snowbrush in your trunk, even if you live in the South.
• Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
• You think a typical vacation is two weeks on the front stoop.
• School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
• When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
• As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
• "Youse guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.
• You know how to respond to the questions "Djeetyet?" (Did you eat yet?) and "Wid o widout?" (With or without onions?)
• You can say the correct pronunciation of LANK-is-ter instead of the mispronounced Laan-CAST-er, and LEB-en-in instead of the equally incorrect Leb-a-NON.
• You know how to pronounce Narberth, Bryn Mawr, Bryn Athyn, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Conshohocken, and Monongahela.
• You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
• You call Sloppy Joes "Barbecue."
• You think Medium Rare equals Well Done.
• You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."
• You buy your beer and soda only by the case.
• You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."
• You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
• You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
• You know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer (which comes from growing up on Schlitz and Iron City).
• You have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment."
• You refer to something as "a whole nother," as in "That's a whole nother issue."
• The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports.
• The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
• You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth Pa.

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... in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fireman says with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," The fireman says: "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think he could pull more."

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Need we say anything more ...

May 23rd Humor Page