Humor Additions for Wednesday, June 18th

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A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Catholic.

All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church building and each, in its own fashion, had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.

The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.

The Catholics had the best solution. They baptized and confirmed the squirrels. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Submitted by Max, Bethany, Tx.

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I called my daughter long-distance just to say hello ...
  • ... She had had a particularly rough day with her two boys, then aged nine months and three years.  When I asked her how she was, she replied wearily, "I don't know, Mom. I keep hoping I'm just the baby-sitter and that their parents will come home soon."
  • Our daughter was filling us in on her date the night before. They had driven to a neighboring city for dinner. When her father asked her where the restaurant was located, she said, "You know, I really can't tell you. I was enjoying the ride, the company and the scenery, and all of a sudden we were there." "I understand perfectly," her father said. "That's exactly how your mother and I arrived at middle age!"

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and a pious and learned man ...

... who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments. The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one).

Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.

As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer. "Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"

Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?" (Rabbi nods yes)

"Did you see me order this meal?" (again he nods yes)

"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?" (again he nods yes)

"And did you see me eat it?" (nods yes)

"Then, Rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision!"

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, MD.

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