Humor Additions for Monday, June 16th


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A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful.

So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said: "I found you r note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

Submitted by Barb, Unionville, PA.

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Here's a little test for anyone over 40+ !
  1. "Cookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________."
  2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in;________________."
  3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." What did he leave behind?________________.
  4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm
  5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the ________________.
  6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the ________________________show.
  7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our _____________.
  8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane's dog?______
  9. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other name(s)did it go by? _______________ & ________________
  10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the ___________and the ____________.
  11. In the seventies, we called the dropout nonconformists "hippies." But in the early sixties, they were known as ________________.
  12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the short end of the stick in the television program, "The Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a ________."
  13. "Get your kicks, ________________."
  14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed________________."
  15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:________________.
  16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
  17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all the "dirty" dialogue - was called _________.
  18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator strapped to their belts. But back in the sixties, members of the math club used a _________.
  19. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about "the day the music died." This was a reference and tribute to _______________.
  20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of convertible. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz ________________."
  21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the________________.
  22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best _____________________."
  23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model ________________.
  24. Sachmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill. " Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ________________.
  25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the most popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off- center, but lovable character, _______________.(The character's name, not the actor's.)
  26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called ____________.
  27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?__________.
  28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the ________________.
  29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical ______________.
  30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character (not the hayseed, the hobo) was ________________. Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and ________________."

The Answers:

    "Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb."
  1. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in; drop out." Many people who proclaimed that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers.
  2. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton Moore would not be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!
  3. "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on; Don't think twice, it's all right."
  4. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 was known as the Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey says, "They would like me to mention their names."
  5. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.
  6. Some who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their draft cards. If you said "bras," you've got the right spirit, but nobody ever burned a bra while I was watching. The "bra burning" days came as a by-product of women's liberation movement which had nothing directly to do with the Vietnam war.
  7. Dick and Jane's dog was Spot. "See Spot run." Whatever happened to them? Rumor has it they have been replaced in some school systems by "Heather Has Two Mommies."
  8. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.
  9. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the Sharks and the Jets. West Side Story.
  10. In the early sixties, the dropout, nonconformists were known as Beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic beatnik, except that he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but no beat.
  11. At the end of "The Life of Riley," Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a revolting development this is."
  12. "Get your kicks, on Route 66."
  13. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent."
  14. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:
  15. shaken, not stirred.
  16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
  17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer. Today, it would get a PG-13 rating.
  18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide rule.
  19. "The day the music died" was a reference and tribute to Buddy Holly.
  20. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz put you in the driver's seat."
  21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.
  22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best....chooo-c'late." In the television commercial, "chocolate" was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth flopping open and shut?)
  23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.
  24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was Louis Armstrong.
  25. Joe's regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.
  26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was called Sputnik.
  27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.
  28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was called the hula-hoop.
  29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical "Hair."
  30. Red Skelton's hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem Kaddiddlehopper was the "hay seed.") Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and may God bless."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.
 

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