Humor Additions for Monday, July 28th

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One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the inappropriate behavior that was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When that angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased.

So while he was debating what to do about the 95%, He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good to encourage them -- give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?


I didn't get one either.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working.

I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, preferably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment: I don't have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit. Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Sunday July 27th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Stand Time. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

42.4845467 & Longitude -71.1576157 and the ground is 101.3' above sea level. Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now. There is a good chance that somebody will try to redirect the signal. The unit must be teleported directly in a way that nobody will be able to interfere with the transference.

After unit has been sent please email me with payment instructions.

Thank You

Editors note: We have no idea who the author of the above is ... we'll keep posting
his e-mails until he is returned to his own time/dimension/ or world ...

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was sitting at his desk  ...

... when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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