The Men's Dictionary ...
- "I can't find it." - REALLY MEANS: "It
didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
- "That's women's work." - REALLY MEANS:
"It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
- "Will you marry me?" - REALLY MEANS:
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and
there is no more peanut butter."
- "It's a guy thing." - REALLY MEANS:
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you
have no chance at all of making it logical."
- "Can I help with dinner?" - REALLY
MEANS: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
- "It would take too long to explain." -
REALLY MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."
- "I'm getting more exercise lately." -
REALLY MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
- "We're going to be late." - REALLY
MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
- "Take a break, honey, you're working
too hard." - REALLY MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the
- "That's interesting, dear." - REALLY
MEANS: "Are you still talking?"
- "Honey, we don't need material things
to prove our love." - REALLY MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary
- "It's really a good movie." - REALLY
MEANS: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women."
- "You know how bad my memory is." -
REALLY MEANS: " I remember the words to the theme song of "F
Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the VIN of every
car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
- "I was just thinking about you, and got
you these roses." - REALLY MEANS: "The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
- "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself.
It's no big deal." - REALLY MEANS: "I have actually severed a
limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
- "I do help around the house." - REALLY
MEANS: "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
- "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm
doing." - REALLY MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty
- "What did I do this time?" - REALLY
MEANS: "What did you catch me at?"
- "I heard you." - REALLY MEANS: "I
haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next three days yelling at me."
- "You really look terrific in that
outfit." - REALLY MEANS: "Please don't try on one more outfit.
- "I brought you a present." - REALLY
MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."
- "I missed you." - REALLY MEANS: "I
can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of
- "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we
are." - REALLY MEANS: "No one will ever see us alive again."
- "This relationship is getting too
serious." -REALLY MEANS: "I like you as much as I like my
- "I don't need to read the
instructions." - REALLY MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of
screwing it up without printed help.
Submitted by Penny, Springfield, Va.
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Who Thinks these
Product Labels Up?
- On A Hair Dryer from Sears: Do Not Use
- On A Bar Of Dove Soap: Directions- Use
Like Regular Soap
- On Swann Frozen Foods: Serving
Suggestion- Defrost Before Eating
- On A Shower Cap: Fits One Head
- On The Botttom of a Tesco Tiramisu
Dessert: Warning! Do Not Turn Upside Down!
- On M&S Bread and Butter Pudding:
Warning! May Be Hot After Heating!
- On A Rowenta Iron: Do Not Iron Clothes
- On Infant's Cough Medicine: Warning! Do
Not Drive Car Immediately After Consuming!
- On Nytol Sleeping Pills: Warning! May
- On Christmas Lights: For Indoor and
Outdoor use ONLY!
- On A Superman Costume: The Wearing of
this Garment does not enable one to fly
- On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
- On an American Airlines Packet Of Nuts:
Directions-Open Packet, Eat Nuts
Bill, Narberth, PA.
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