Humor Additions for Monday, January 6th

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You Know You're from Pennsylvania When ...
  • The first day of Buck season and the first day of Doe season are school holidays.
  • You own only three spices "salt, pepper and Heinz ketchup".
  • Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.
  • You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.
  • You constantly refer to Pennsylvania as "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay). How many other states do that?
  • You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • You measure distance in hours.
  • You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
  • You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend or wife knows how to use them.
  • You can actually eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Those from NY find this "barbaric".)
  • You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold.
  • At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.
  • You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
  • You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.
  • You can't go to a Pennsylvania wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance" and at least 5 Polkas.
  • You live for summer, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
  • You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
  • Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.

Read: You Know You Live in Colorado When ...

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing ...

... so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''there are no fish under the ice.''

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.  The voice boomed, ''there are no fish under the ice.''

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''there are no fish under the ice.''

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''

The voice answered, "No. It is the manager of the ice rink."

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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Jan 3rd Humor Page