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The Lawyer's version of it was a
night before Christmas ...
Whereas, on or about the night prior to
Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real
property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by
all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking,
socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said
House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas
a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the
aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and
were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein
vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise
appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part
(sometimes hereinafter referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner
in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part
(hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.
Suddenly, and without prior notice or
warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property
adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain
disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party
of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part
did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a
miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or
drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific
direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8)
reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by
name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it
is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named
"Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed
Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully
trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to
and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was
heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or
permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit,
which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he
carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began
to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to
the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not,
however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the
chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited
and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the
Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first
part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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