Greeting to You!
From us ("the wishor") to you
("hereinafter called the wishee"), please accept without
obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically
correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of
the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular
practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to
practice religious or secular traditions at all ... and a
financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2004, but with due respect for the calendars of
choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race,
creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of
computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By
accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:
- This greeting is subject to further
clarification or withdrawal
- This greeting is freely transferable
provided that no alteration shall be made to the original
greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are
- This greeting implies no promise by the
wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
- This greeting may not be enforceable in
certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be
binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
- This greeting is warranted to perform
as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of
good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of
a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
- The wishor warrants this greeting only
for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new
wish at the sole discretion of the wishor
- Any references in this greeting to "the
Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", or any other festive
figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not
imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this
greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third
party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
Submitted by Carol, Somewhere in
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blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a
hours of subzero temperatures a few close calls with hungry
wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said: "I'm chopping
down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or
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Math always did boggle my
At New York's
Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a
public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,
and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney
general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft
said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They
use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as
"unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest,
President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons
of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.
"I am gratified that our government has
given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these
math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus
disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every
sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point,
and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of
math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their
math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of
a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our
Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he
is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days
are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
Submitted by Sr. Wink, Younker, NY.
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