Humor Additions for Friday, August 29th

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Why Airplanes Are Easier to Live with than Women:
  • Airplanes usually kill you quickly whereas a woman takes her time.
  • Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
  • Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.
  • Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.
  • Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
  • Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
  • Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
  • Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
  • Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
  • Airplanes expect to be tied down.
  • Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
  • Airplanes aren't pregnant when they're late.
  • Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

However, just like women, airplanes are expensive to operate and it usually means trouble if they suddenly go quiet.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Totally Useless Facts, Take 8
  • The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
  • The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.
  • The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
  • The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
  • The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
  • The words 'race car,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
  • There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
  • There are more chickens than people in the world.
  • There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
  • There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
  • There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
  • Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
  • TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
  • Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
  • Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
  • Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

 ... now you know everything!

Submitted by Don, Middletown, Md.

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Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married ...

... and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Gold's, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just ....

are you ready?

... A common tater !!

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This years top cute pet pictures ... take 4 ... OK ... Say that again ...

August 27th Humor Page