He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for services. He was asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly. "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God,"

The patient replies, "That's right! Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

West Coast when:

• You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
• The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
• The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
• You know how to eat an artichoke.
• You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're in New York when:

• You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
• You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
• You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
• Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
• You think Central Park is "nature."
• You believe that being able to tell people off in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
• You've ever worn out a car horn.
• You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when:

• You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
• Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
• You have more than one recipe for moose.
• Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
• The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in the South when:

• You get a movie and bait in the same store.
• "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
• After a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
• "He needed killin'"is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when:

• You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
• You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
• A pass does not involve a football or dating.
• The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
• Your bridal registry is at REI.

You're in the Midwest when:

• You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
• You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
• You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
• "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."
• When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."