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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seatbelt ...
... he had just won $5,000 dollars in the statewide safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled the woman in the passenger seat. "He's a real jerk when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen
car."
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
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For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer.
At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question. "There are quite a lot of advantages
to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as
perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and
sorrows." To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes.
She nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?"
Submitted by Marion, Haverford, PA.
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Engineer Q&A's Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up road map the wrong way.
Submitted by John, Durham, NC.
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