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Old Geezer Test. Try Yer Hand at it And Proceed Directly to the Old Folks Home.
  1. Where did headlight dimmer switches used to be located?
    1. On the floor shift knob
    2. On the floor, left of the clutch
    3. Next to the horn
  2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle has holes in it. For what was it used?
    1. Capture lightning bugs.
    2. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
    3. Large salt shaker
  3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
    1. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce
    2. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
    3. Milkmen left deliveries outside doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
  4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
    1. Blackjack
    2. Gin
    3. Craps
  5. What method did women adapt to look as if they were wearing stockings when none was available due to rationing during W.W.II?
    1. Suntan
    2. Leg painting
    3. Wearing slacks
  6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
    1. Studebaker
    2. Nash Metro
    3. Tucker
  7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
    1. Strips of dried peanut butter
    2. Chocolate-licorice bars
    3. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
  8. How was Butch wax used?
    1. To stiffen hair cut into a flattop so it stood up
    2. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
    3. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
  9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
    1. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
    2. Woven straps that crossed the foot
    3. Long pieces of string or twine
  10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
    1. Consider all the facts
    2. Ask Mom
    3. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo
  11. What was the worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex?
    1. A cold
    2. VD
    3. Cooties
  12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey?"
    1. SUV
    2. Taxi
    3. Streetcar
  13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
    1. Old Blue
    2. Paint
    3. Macaroni
  14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
    1. Part of the game of hide and seek
    2. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores
    3. Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A bomb drill
  15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
    1. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
    2. Princess Sacajewea
    3. Princess Moonshadow
  16. What did all really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
    1. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you "high"
    2. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
    3. Wrote another pupils name on the top, to avoid failure
  17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
    1. To keep you out of mischief licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
    2. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
    3. They were given to the kids to be used as stick on tattoos
  18. "Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?"
    1. Meatballs
    2. Dames
    3. Ammunition
  19. What was the name of the group who made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?
    1. The Ink Spots
    2. The Supremes
    3. The Esquires
  20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
    1. Tony Bennett
    2. Zavier Cugat
    3. George Gershwin


  1. b) On the floor, left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the '60s to catch on.
  2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
  3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
  4. a) Blackjack Gum.
  5. b) Special makeup was applied followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
  6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
  7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
  8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
  9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.
  10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
  11. c) Cooties.
  12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
  13. c) Macaroni.
  14. c) Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
  15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
  16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get "high."
  17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.
  18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
  19. a) The all male, all black group, The Mills Brothers
  20. a) Tony Bennett and he sounds just as good today.


17 - 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.

12 - 16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy.

0 - 11 correct: You are a sad excuse of a geezer

Submitted by our friends at Bethany Lutheran Church,  Austin, Tx.

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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.

"The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says....

(Are you ready for this?)

It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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