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The little house behind our house

One of my bygone recollections, as I recall the days of yore
is the little house, behind the house, with the crescent over the door.

'Twas a place to sit and ponder with your head bowed down low;
knowing that you wouldn't be there, if you didn't have to go.

Ours was a three-holer, with a size for every one.
You left there feeling better, after your usual job was done.

You had to make these frequent trips whether snow, rain, sleet, or fog-
to the little house where you usually found the sears-roebuck catalog.

Oft times in dead of winter, the seat was covered with snow.
'Twas then with much reluctance, to the little house you'd go.

With a swish you'd clear the seat, bend low, with dreadful fear
you'd blink your eyes and grit your teeth as you settled on your rear.

I recall the day granddad, who stayed with us one summer,
made a trip to the shanty which proved to be a hummer.

'Twas the same day my dad finished painting the kitchen green.
He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made with rags and gasoline.

He tossed the rags in the shanty hole and went on his usual way
not knowing that by doing so he would eventually rue the day.

Now granddad had an urgent call, I never will forget!
This trip he made to the little house lingers in my memory yet.

He sat down on the shanty seat, with both feet on the floor.
Then filled his pipe with tobacco and struck a match on the outhouse door.

After the tobacco began to glow, he slowly raised his rear:
tossed the flaming match in the open hole, with not a sign of fear.

The blast that followed, I am sure was heard for miles around;
and there was poor ol' granddad just sitting on the ground.

The smoldering pipe was still in his mouth, his suspenders he held tight;
the celebrated three-holer was blown clear out of sight.

When we asked him what had happened, his answer I'll never forget.
He thought it must be something that he had recently et!

Next day we had a new one which my dad built with ease.
With a sign on the entrance door which read: no smoking, please!

Now that's the end of the story, with memories of long ago,
of the little house, behind the house where we went cause we had to go

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Actual test answers from various Hunstville, Alabama metro schools.

Q - Name the four seasons.
A - Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q - What does "varicose" mean?
A - Nearby.

Q - Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A - Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q - What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A - If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed. 

Q - What happens to your body as you age?
A - When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q - What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A - He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q - Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A - Premature death.

Q - How can you delay milk turning sour?
A - Keep it in the cow.

Q - How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A - The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels - a, e,I, o and u.

Q - What is the fibula?
A - A small lie.

Q - Give the meaning of the term "caesarian section."
A - The caesarian section is a district in rome.

Q - What is a terminal illness?
A - When you are sick at the airport.

Q - What does the word "benign" mean?
A - Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q - What is a turbine?
A - Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q - What is a Hindu?
A - It lays eggs.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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