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A man walked out
into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by.
What luck, he thought, as he
slid into the cab.
"Perfect timing," the
cabby said. "You're just like Bill."
"Who?"
"Bill Smith. There's a guy
who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my
coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like
that to Bill every time."
"Nah," the man said
to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over
everybody."
"Not Bill," said the
cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on
the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang
like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"Bill was really
something, huh?"
"Oh, yeah," continued
the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat
with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and
the whole neighborhood blacks out."
"No wonder you remember
him," the man said.
"Well, I never actually
met Bill," said the cabby.
"Then how in the world do
you know so much about him?"
"I married his
widow," replied the cabby.
Submitted by Vicki, Kennet
Square, Pa.
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The preacher, in
his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his
subject.
After a long sermon, he asked
how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held
up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty
minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a
response of about 80 percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured
for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all
thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly
lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to
forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very
unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come
down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to
be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady
tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said
"It's easy, I just
outlived all those losers!"
Submitted by Andy,
Gettysburg, Pa.
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A man who was
lonely decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and
told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some
discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a
little white box to use for its house. He took the box back
home, talking gently to the centipede as he walked home.
In the house, he found a good
location for the box, then decided he would start off their
friendship by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. He
asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to
Frank's with me and have a beer?"
There was no answer from
his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few
minutes and then asked again, "How about going to the bar
and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer
from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more
time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's
house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to
Frank's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the
box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my
shoes."
Submitted by Judy,
Emmitsburg, Md.
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