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A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by.

What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab.

"Perfect timing," the cabby said. "You're just like Bill."


"Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time."

"Nah," the man said to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Bill," said the cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"Bill was really something, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him," the man said.

"Well, I never actually met Bill," said the cabby.

"Then how in the world do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow," replied the cabby.

Submitted by Vicki, Kennet Square, Pa.

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The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said

"It's easy, I just outlived all those losers!"

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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A man who was lonely decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, talking gently to the centipede as he walked home.

In the house, he found a good location for the box, then decided he would start off their friendship by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

There was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

Submitted by Judy, Emmitsburg, Md.

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