Humor Additions for Friday, January 25

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Submitted by Bard, Unionville, Pa.

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Excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling)
  • My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
  • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  • Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  • Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administratin
  • Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
  • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his fac
  • Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
  • Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
  • Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
  • Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  • Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
  • Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
  • Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
  • Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
  • I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.
  • Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
  • Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funera
  • My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
  • Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
  • Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
  • Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
  • Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Submitted by Vicki, Kennett Square, Pa.

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Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the mem'ry makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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