Even if you aren't
a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as
written by a New Orleans paper.
"A friend just got back
from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that
warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect, 12
below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the
"tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group
complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a
restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was
relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder
room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and
the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its
panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12
below, doesn't help matters.
So, with time running out, the
woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the
intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an
all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one
would even notice, he assured her. The white will provide more
than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began
lowering her ski pants, and proceeded to do her thing. If you've
ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a
right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it!!! She had them
positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving, even
during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman
found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through
the trees, somehow missing all of them and onto another slope.
Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants
down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the
She continued backwards,
totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other
skiers. The woman skied, back under the lift, and finally
collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke
her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last
her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then summoned
the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.
While in the emergency room, a
man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to
hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked,
making small talk. "It was the darndest thing you ever
saw", he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and
suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman
skiing backward out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare
bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her
knees. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the
lift." "So, how'd you break your arm?