Humor Additions for Monday, August 12

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If AOL was a would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
  • The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
  • The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
  • The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
  • AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
  • Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
  • The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
  • The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
  • Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
  • If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
  • The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
  • AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
  • AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
  • Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
  • It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
  • AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
  • Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
  • It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
  • AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
  • AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
  • Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."

Submitted by Michael, Covington, Louisiana

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John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert him to be Catholic. They went over and talked with him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic.

They took him to church and the priest sprinkled some water over him and told him "Your were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist and now you are a Catholic". The men of the neighborhood were SO relieved, now their biggest Lent temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lent rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came and just at supper time when the neighborhood was setting down to their fish dinners came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! What was going on??? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was a Friday in Lent.

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was pouring small droplets over his steak on the grill and saying, "you were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Submitted by Vicki, Kennett Square, PA..

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Canary? No ...  I haven't see any canary around here ...

Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md.

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