Humor Additions for Wednesday, September 5th, 2001

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More church bulletin bloopers:
  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • Don't let worry kill you off --let the Church help.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Submitted by Neil, Kennett, Square, Pa.

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We all know that water is important but . . .
  • 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
  • In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
  • Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
  • One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
  • Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
  • Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
  • A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
  • Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
  • Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

Submitted by Brian, Idaho Falls, Id.

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Not so long ago...
  • An application was for employment A program was a TV show
  • A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano!
  • Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account
  • And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you hoped nobody found out!
  • Compress was something you did to garbage not something you did to a file.
  • And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile!
  • Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road
  • A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode!
  • Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue
  • A web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu!
  • I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head
  • I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!

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