Humor Additions for Wednesday, September 26th, 2001

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Why the American Flag Is Folded 12 Times
  • The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.
  • The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.
  • The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.
  • The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.
  • The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our Country, in dealing with other countries may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."
  • The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.
  • The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they are found within or without the boundaries of our republic.
  • The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day.
  • The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.
  • The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.
  • The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
  • The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies in their eyes, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
  • When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto, "In God We Trust."

After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the sailors and marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us the rights, privileges, and freedoms we enjoy today.

Submitted By Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD 

.... that's Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder!! This is how it goes...

I decide to change the oil in the car, start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car .... BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail. So, I lay the car keys down on the desk.

After discarding the junk mail, I notice the waste can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on the desk .... BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out to the trash can, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills .... yes, now where is the checkbook? Oops .... there's only one check left.

Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty cup from last night on the desk. I'm going to look for those checks...BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away .... BUT FIRST, I need to water those flowers. I head for the door and .... Aaaagh!

Someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. OK, I'll put the remote away and water the flowers....BUT FIRST, I need to find those checks ....

BY THE END OF THE DAY: The oil in the car has not been changed, the bills are still unpaid, the cup is still in the sink, the checkbook still has only one check left, I've LOST my car keys....and, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because....I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!!

I realize this condition is serious....I'd get help....BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail!

By the way, the doctor told me that this disease is highly contagious and that it can be transmitted by e-mail. So if you want to avoid AAADD, don't read this e-mail. (I meant to put this warning at the beginning of the message but I got distracted.... Sorry....!)

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a bar.

She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the bar and whispers to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and to put some Spanish-fly in the drink. The bartender whispers back to say he's all out of Spanish-fly and all he has left is Jewish-fly.

"Jewish-fly?" Shrugging his shoulders, the guy says, "OK, put some of that in her drink."

As she sips on the drink, she gets more and more cozy, really warming up to the guy. Finally, she finishes the drink, leans over and whispers in his ear, "Let's go shopping."

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.

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