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Little Justin was
at home doing his Math homework.
He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son
of a bitch is nine."
At that moment, his mother comes
in and hears what he is saying. "Justin, what are you doing?!
Why are you saying that?!"
Little Justin answered, "I'm
doing my Math homework, Mom."
She said, "And is that what
your teacher taught you?"
Little Justin replied,
"Yes." The next day, the mother, worried about the
education her son is receiving, goes to Little Justin's school to
talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I
would like to know what you are teaching my son in Math?"
The teacher replied, "Right
now, we are learning addition problems." Little Justin's
mother asked, "And ... are you teaching them to say, 'Two
plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'"
When the teacher stopped laughing
she replied, "Not at all! ... What I taught them was, 'Two
plus two ... THE SUM OF WHICH IS ... four.'"
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield,
Co.
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During taxi, the crew
of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn
and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate ground controller (a
female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn right on Charlie taxi way;
you turned right on Delta. Stop right there. I know it's difficult
to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right".
Continuing her lashing to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God,
you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out.
You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how
I tell you. You got that, USAir 2771??"
The humbled crew responded:
"Yes Ma'am".
Naturally, the ground control
frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air
Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller
in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running
high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of
the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and
asked:
"Wasn't I married to you
once?"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared
for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern
702 switching to Departure ... by the way, after we lifted off, we
saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the
report from Eastern?"
Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
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