Humor Additions for Friday, October 5th, 2001

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More Pearls of Wisdom drawn from life experiences
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
  • It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  • Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
  • Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
  • Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Submitted by Sister Wink, the Bronx, NY.

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A recent letter from a sailor in the Navy to his father . . .

Dear Dad:

Well, we are still out at sea, with little direction as to what our next priority is. The remainder of our port visits, which were to be centered around max liberty and goodwill to the United Kingdom, have all but been canceled. We have spent every day since the attacks going back and forth within imaginary boxes drawn in the ocean, standing high-security watches, and trying to make the best of our time. It hasn't been that fun I must confess, and to be even more honest, a lot of people are frustrated at the fact that they either can't be home, or we don't have more direction right now. We have seen the articles and the photographs, and they are sickening. Being isolated as we are, I don't think we appreciate the full scope of what is happening back home, but we are definitely feeling the effects.

About two hours ago the junior officers were called to the bridge to conduct Ship Handling drills. We were about to do a man overboard when we got a call from the LUTJENS (D185), a German warship that was moored ahead of us on the pier in Plymouth, England. While in port, the WINSTON CHURCHILL and the LUTJENS got together for a sports day/cookout on our fantail, and we made some pretty good friends. Now at sea they called over on bridge-to-bridge, requesting to pass us close up on our port side, to say goodbye. We prepared to render them honors on the bridgewing, and the Captain told the crew to come topside to wish them farewell. As they were making their approach, our Conning Officer announced through her binoculars that they were flying an American flag.

As they came even closer, we saw that it was flying at half-mast. The bridgewing was crowded with people as the Boatswain's Mate blew two whistles- Attention to Port- the ship came up alongside and we saw that the entire crew of the German ship were manning the rails, in their dress blues. They had made up a sign that was displayed on the side that read "We Stand By You". Needless to say there was not a dry eye on the bridge as they stayed alongside us for a few minutes and we cut our salutes.

It was probably the most powerful thing I have seen in my entire life and more than a few of us fought to retain our composure.

It was a beautiful day outside today. We are no longer at liberty to divulge over unsecure e-mail our location, but we could not have asked for a finer day at sea. The German Navy did an incredible thing for this crew, and it has truly been the highest point in the days since the attacks.

It's amazing to think that only a half-century ago things were quite different, and to see the unity that is being demonstrated throughout Europe and the world makes us all feel proud to be out here doing our job.

After the ship pulled away and we prepared to begin our man overboard drills the Officer of the Deck turned to me and said "I'm staying Navy."

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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A man decides to go to an exclusive black tie restaurant for dinner.

As he approaches the door to the dining room, he is met by the Maitre D', who explains to him that he cannot enter without wearing a tie.

Not having one with him, the man returns to his car and retrieves a pair of jumper cables

from his trunk. He then ties them around his neck and proceeds back to the restaurant.

Upon seeing him again the Maitre D' says "What do you call that around your neck"?

The man explains to him that it is all he has for a tie.

After much argument from both men the Maitre D' finally relents and says "Oh all right, I will let you go in this time, but don't start anything!"

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.

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