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Three sons left home, went out on
their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the
gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for
our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a
driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat.
You remember
how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you
know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that
recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to
teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has
to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of
thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you
built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another,
"I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I
rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her
third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother
likes. The chicken was delicious.
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A trucker who has been out on the
road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down
$500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna
sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for
that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a
Three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart,
I ain't looking for great time and a good meal, I'm homesick."
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An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for
help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks
from work to install them on my home computer." (Training
stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the
little act of piracy slide.)
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What
happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns
out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the
message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down.
'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it'?"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened
next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized
all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to
work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format
them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office.
Did I do something wrong?"
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg,
Pa.
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