Humor Additions for Friday, June 15th, 2001

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Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God," and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth; "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people".

God continued, pointing to different countries; "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass with a great bay and said, "What's that place called?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful, green fields, sunsets, and rolling hills. The people from Maryland are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting next to them in Washington, DC."

Submitted by Pat, Blue lake, Va.

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The madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked.

"I want Natalie," the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."

"No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charged $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereafter the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, and the two went up to the room. An hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the of the hour, Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who live there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your mother's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

Some things in life are certain: Taxes, death, and being screwed by an attorney.

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Brunette Jokes: Aka the Revenge of the Blondes!
  • What's Black and Blue and Brown and Lying in a Ditch? A Brunette Who's Told Too Many Blonde Jokes.
  • What Do You Call Going on a Blind Date with a Brunette? Brown-bagging It.
  • What's the Real Reason a Brunette Keeps Her Figure? No One Else Wants It.
  • Why Are So Many Blonde Jokes One-liners? So Brunettes Can Remember Them.
  • What Do You Call a Brunette in a Room Full of Blondes? Invisible
  • Why Didn't Indians Scalp Brunettes? The Hair from a Buffalo's Butt Was More Manageable.
  • Why Is Brunette Considered an Evil Color? When Was the Last Time You Saw a Blonde Witch?
  • What Do Brunettes Miss Most about a Great Party? The Invitation
  • What Do You Call a Good Looking Man with a Brunette? A Hostage
  • Who Makes Bras for Brunettes? Fisher-price
  • Why Are Brunettes So Proud of Their Hair? It Matches Their Mustache.

Submitted by Kate, San Francisco, Calif

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