Humor Additions for Monday, December 17th, 2001

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Ways We're Different This Christmas
  • Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; This Christmas we're thinking about all the things we do have.
  • Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; This Christmas, we're placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes.
  • Last Christmas we were counting our money; This Christmas we're counting our blessings.
  • Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; This Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
  • Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find the money to fly home for the holidays; This Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
  • Last Christmas we thought a man who could rush down a football field was a hero; This Christmas we know that a man who rushes into a burning building is the real one.
  • Last Christmas we were getting on each other's nerves; This Christmas we are getting on our knees.
  • Last Christmas we were giving thanks for gifts from stores; This Christmas we are giving thanks for gifts from God.
  • Last Christmas we were thinking how good it would feel to be affluent; This Christmas we are thinking how good it feels to be alive.
  • Last Christmas we thought angels were in heaven; This Christmas we know some are right here on earth.
  • Last Christmas we believed in the power of the pocket book; This Christmas we believe in the power of prayer.
  • Last Christmas we valued things that were costly; This Christmas we value things that are holy.
  • Last Christmas the people we idolized wore football, basketball, and baseball uniforms; This Christmas the people we idolize wear police, firefighters, and military uniforms.
  • Last Christmas "peace on earth" is something we prayed for on Sunday mornings; Now it is something we pray for everyday.
  • Last Christmas people around the world gathered to celebrate family and faith; This Christmas people around the world will gather to celebrate family and faith.

And this year, as we continue this age-old tradition, We will understand, as never before, the meaning and magic of each.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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G.W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Clinton was quick to stop him saying, " No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse".

The second barber turned to Bush and said, "how about you?"

Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife Laura doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Submitted by Brian, Idaho Falls, Idaho

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Bin Laden's New Philosophy:  "If you can't beat 'em, Join 'em"

Back to December 14 Humor Page